marilynfrazer.com

Author, artist, blog

Marilyn Frazer

When Time Stood Still

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In the early days of 2020, when the pandemic started to spread, I was confined to my home. So I did what I love best…I painted. And the art poured out of me.

For some, time stood still. However, I had a purpose and a deadline.

I was supposed to exhibit my artwork in the Southwest Library (of Orange County, Florida) in August 2020, but the pandemic came along and changed my plans. It changed everybody’s plans. The library closed and the exhibit was put on hold. But, here it is, one year later, the library reopened and I had a new date for the show.

I am a grandmother, who could sit back in a rocking chair and watch television all day long to pass the time. But I had to do something to fill the hours of the long days of confinement. Bing watching was not an option. That deadline was still lurking.

Since my goal was to have enough paintings to show, I got to work. As the days rolled by, and the whole world closed down, I knew I had plenty of time to paint, and no excuse not to paint. The ideas just kept coming. A still life in a coffeepot. An old man in contemplation sitting on a bench between two trees. A colorful landscape. A cosmic explosion, far out in space. A town nestled on the Mediterranean coast. So many ideas waiting to come to life on my watercolor paper. Now, more than one year later, there are twenty-one paintings happily decorating two whole walls of the library. The one below is a watercolor that recently has been sold. It never made it into the show.

It was important to me to paint happy pictures, ones to make me feel good, as well as make others feel good.

These are difficult times. The pandemic is still here. People are still dying of COVID. But there are twenty-one paintings happily decorating two whole walls of the library now, smiling at all who come to view them, all hopefully making someone’s life a bit happier upon viewing them.

The art show opened October 9th, more than one year later than the original date, and my paintings will be adorning the walls of the library for three whole months! If I can put a smile on someone’s face as they view them, then I have achieved my goal. Something good can come out of a pandemic.

I’m still painting, although I’m not confined to my home any more. Time stood still for so many people during the pandemic, but not for me.

White Coffeepot

Ask Yourself A Simple Question

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Since I wrote The Relationship Trap, I have been trying to understand how someone can remain in an abusive relationship.  In my book, fourteen women describe relationships they entered, ignoring the warning signs that said, this guy’s not for you! A number of those relationships were abusive and the women never realized what was happening. What is the common thread?

I found that you don’t know you’re in an abusive relationship until you look at it from the outside. However, here’s one clue: you are constantly defending yourself while you’re in it.

This year, I created an updated edition to The Relationship Trap, in which I discuss the characteristics of abuse since it is so prevalent nowadays. And it all occurs behind closed doors. Outside the home, no one suspects this is an abusive relationship. The minute the door closes, it begins.

Is it possible that you are in an abusive relationship? Do you make excuses and try to be “better?” Do you think: If he hit me, I’d be out of here in a minute. Well, a person can be “hit” with words. And words can hit as hard as a fist. That’s psychological abuse!

The more he demands, the more you try to please. The more you try to please, the more he demands. It never ends. It just gets worse…little by little. You are never right. He is never wrong. The more he criticizes, the harder you try to please.

* PLEASE NOTE: I refer to the abuser as “he,” but there are plenty of abusive women in this world. I am just addressing this to women because there are more abusive men out there than abusive women.

Just ask yourself one simple question: Am I walking on eggshells? If the answer is yes, you may be in an abusive situation.  That’s a big clue!

THE CYCLE OF ABUSE

TENSION BUILDING  cycle of abuse

  • Tension starts and steadily builds
  • Abuser starts to get angry
  • Communication breaks down
  • Cycle of Abuse or Violence: tension building, acting out, the honeymoon period and calm
  • Victim feels the need to concede to the abuser
  • Victim promises to be better
  • Tension becomes too much
  • Victim feels uneasy and a need to watch every move

INCIDENT OCCURS, such as:

  • Physical
  • Sexual
  • Emotional/Psychological
  • Or other forms of abuse as found in the power and control wheel (below)

HONEYMOON PHASE

  • Abuser apologizes to the victim for abuse, some beg forgiveness, say “I’m sorry.”
  • Abuser promises it will never happen againpower and control wheel in abusive relationships
  • Blames victim for provoking the problem
  • Minimizing, denying or claiming the abuse wasn’t as bad as victim claims
  • Abuses slow or stop
  • Promises he will change
  • Victim believes or wants to believe the abuse is over or the abuser will change
  • Abuser may give gifts to victim

 THEN THE CYCLE BEGINS AGAIN

So, are you walking on eggshells? Or do you know someone who fits the description?

      National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

 

 

It’s Time to Demand Change

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THE SECOND MeToo MOVEMENT

The Second Amendment was written during the Revolution to protect and arm American citizens in their fight for freedom, against the British and the French, as well. Now the situation in our country has sadly changed. Citizens want to protect themselves against violent offenders. “Keep a gun under your pillow…you never know when you might need it.” We’re not fighting the British and the French any more. What’s wrong with this picture?

The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution reads: “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

According to an article by the Cornell School of Law,   (https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/second_amendment)     on one hand, some scholars believe that the Amendment’s phrase “the right of the people to keep and bear Arms” creates an individual constitutional right for citizens of the United States. “Under this individual right theory, the United States Constitution restricts legislative bodies from prohibiting firearm possession, or at the very least, the Amendment renders prohibitory and restrictive regulation presumably unconstitutional.

On the other hand, there is the collective rights theory, in which some scholars argue that the Framers intended only to restrict Congress from legislating away a state’s right to self-defense. They claim citizens do not have an individual right to possess guns and that only local, state, and federal authorities have that right.”

My cousin owns a gun and has asked me several times if I would like to go to a firing range with her to learn to shoot a gun. She has one so she can protect herself one day if needed. So far, I have not taken her up on her offer, but one day I might have to, if this rampage of violence continues. Las Vegas. Parkland. I worry. Don’t you worry?

Nowadays, many students are afraid, wondering if their school is next. We need to increase the safety of schools nationwide by developing realistically implemented means of protection through individualized school safety programs, policies, and activities. We do not need to arm teachers! One teacher, when interviewed, said before she could unlock a cabinet where a gun might be held, she could be killed; why arm teachers? We need to work on preventing the violence.

  • It’s time to demand change.
  • It’s time to stop school violence.
  • It’s time to change gun laws.
  • It’s time to BAN ASSAULT WEAPONS.
  • It’s time to challenge the NRA’s stranglehold on Congress.

And it’s time to…

  • JOIN THE MILLIONS OF STUDENTS in peaceful protest.

The right of people to bear arms should not be applicable to assault weapons. No private citizen should own an assault weapon. It should only be used by a member of the armed forces in warfare. It has no use in the hands of anyone else, except for creating violence, for slaughtering innocent people.

But what can we do about that?

We can join the peaceful student movement and demand change. The students understand the need for change and started the movement against school violence.  That movement must not fade away. We must pick up the gauntlet and join them.The students should not have to bear the entire responsibility to bring about change. They must not stand alone. We need to join them.

Parents should march alongside their children! And demand change! Say, Me Too!

Work to improve mental health care for persons with violent fantasies or acts.

Write your representative in Congress and ask him or her to change the gun laws, to ban the sale and ownership of automatic weapons. If enough members of Congress are deluged with demands for change, perhaps they can defy the powerful NRA lobby and work to protect the citizens of our country.

* For more information: Cornell School of Law Article on the interpretation of the Second Amendment:

www.law.cornell.edu/wex/second_amendment