The lunch was delicious, the atmosphere was noisy, as it usually is in restaurants nowadays. We were reminiscing about our younger days. I went all the way back to the time before I was married…my good old dating days.

I had been dating Mike for two months and really liked him. He was tall, which was a relief since I had a succession of dates with short guys. He was an engineer with Sperry Rand, a major American equipment and electronics company which, through a series of mergers, is now part of Unisys and Honeywell, two worldwide information technology companies.  He was on the fast track, having had three promotions in one year, must to the distress of his coworkers. He was bright and he was handsome, and I was in love.

It was a hot humid Saturday night in New York and we were coming back from an evening at Jones Beach, which at the time, was the in place to go for young folks on a Saturday night. We were on the parkway heading home when Mike noticed red and blue flashing lights behind him. He made a quick decision and accelerated instead of stopping. I began to panic. He told me not to worry because he had been a race car driver, racing Jaguars before I met him, and knew what he was doing. I was twenty and he was twenty-five. I wanted to live to be twenty-six. I stopped looking at the speedometer when it hit 100. Suddenly, he made a quick turn off the freeway onto another freeway, slowed down and joined the traffic. The policeman did not follow and I began to breathe normally again.

Mike took me to a production of the show “Kismet” and during the most romantic part of the show, when the leading man sang the love song to the leading lady, Mike took my hand and slipped a ring on my finger. I became so excited but I couldn’t see the ring because the theater was dark. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. It was such a beautiful moment and I still remember it all these decades later.

However, my mother didn’t like Mike and kept telling me not to marry him. I think it may have been because he wanted to move from New York to the city he loved – San Francisco. My controlling mother would have none of that. Since I always listened to my mother (no rebellious girl there) I finally broke the engagement. For months afterward, Mike was there at the exit to my apartment building parking garage, sitting in his car as I left for work at 6:30 am. (I taught second grade at a school one hour away.) Then he was gone. I never saw him again and wondered once in a while over the years what ever became of him.

This story about Mike is now in my memoir, which is slowly growing. Think back on events in your life, large and small. What was it like growing up? What were your dating days like? Your memoir is waiting. It’s time to begin. You don’t have to start at the beginning. I didn’t. I started in the middle. The beginning came later. Think about it.

Birth is a beginning, and death a destination. And life is a journey: from childhood to maturity, and youth to age; from innocence to awareness and ignorance to knowing; from foolishness to discretion and then, perhaps, to wisdom; from weakness to strength or strength to weakness – and, often, back again; from health to sickness and back, we pray, to health again; from offense to forgiveness, from loneliness to love, from joy to gratitude, from pain to compassion, and grief to understanding – from fear to faith; from defeat to defeat to defeat – until, looking backward or ahead, we see that victory lies not at some high place along the way, but in having made the journey, stage by stage, a sacred pilgrimage – to life everlasting.

The above words are not mine. They are found in the bible.

I realize it is time to get serious about writing my memoir. I have started it, but there it sits. Every once in a while I add something, but I have not been serious about finishing it…up to today, that is. Then, on Monday, David’s brother-in-law died. We had just seen him the week before. He was fine and we had an enjoyable three-day visit with him. And then this good man was gone. As I sit here I am so aware of the passage of time. The words ring in my ears: DO IT NOW. Don’t put it off for tomorrow.

It is time for you to start your memoir. I would like to recommend a book by my friend and fellow author, Dee Dees, “Write Your Life Story in 28 Days” that offers writing tips for you. It is a user-friendly book that can help you organize your stories. Your family will learn about your early life, a gift that will be treasured more than any other gift.

Don’t tell me your life isn’t interesting. It is… especially to your family. You are the one who knows your whole story. You don’t have to start with the day you were born. Start with a funny incident, a sad time, an unexpected incident…whatever comes to mind.  START TODAY.

With the end of the year approaching faster than we would like, it’s a good time to reflect back on the past year.

What have you accomplished? Are you proud of that accomplishment? Large or small, you did it! And much more! Sometimes we don’t realize how much we have accomplished until we take a mental check. It’s time to be proud of all you have accomplished and not beat yourself up about those things yet to be done. Don’t forget to add the little things. They definitely count.

My husband published his book, “Ethical Meltdown” just a month ago. Since he had a secretary who typed all his correspondence and briefs, he never learned to type. Therefore, one of my big accomplishments was to type and help edit his book. However, I will never type another footnote as long as I live! Whew! Ten pages of footnotes; italicize this, put that in parenthesis, and put that first and the other last…and always in that exact order! What a pain in the neck! I had to look up how to write a footnote for a book (not for a college paper; that’s different). Therefore, one piece of advice: don’t write anything that requires footnotes! Not ever!

Now, what was on your New Year’s Resolution List that is yet to be accomplished? I am writing my third book which I thought would be finished by now, and I have another month to work towards my goal. I probably won’t finish it, but I can work a little harder. That counts.

What will you need to do for the next month in order to reach an attainable 2012 goal? Small things count. For example, dig into that pile on your desk, or is that a huge goal? My desk is much more orderly now that I have gone through the piles. It’s amazing how fast they accumulate, isn’t it? That was a huge task for me since I really didn’t want to tackle it. Does anyone ever want to tackle that? However, I broke it up into smaller tasks – for example, I worked on one quarter of a pile – not a huge amount – and it seemed less of a task. Little by little the piles diminished until now they’re gone and I can see the wood that was below the piles of papers. It’s such a nice feeling to see some order whereas before it was a mess. I admit it.

Yes, I accomplished a lot.  But, no matter how much I accomplish, my ToDo List is always full. Now, what was on that note I wrote to myself just before I went to bed last night? Oh well, I’ll think about that tomorrow, like Scarlett in “Gone With The Wind.”

Today the big truck pulled up to the house at 1:40 p.m. and we were surprised when the truck driver said he recognized David. Then we realized he had been to this house a year and a half ago, when he delivered my book When Angels Call Your Name. He remembered us because his name is also Frazier, but spelled with an “i”. So, Roger S. Frazier delivered the cartons of books to David R. Frazer.

For almost two years David has been writing his book, Ethical Meltdown and at last it is here! We are so excited to see the culmination of this work, to hold the book in our hands.

David wrote this book because he has seen that there is an epidemic of unethical behavior that is reaching staggering proportions in our nation. He feels it is time to do something about this before it is too late. This epidemic has spread through the world of business, law, government, medicine, sports and our educational system…through every walk of life. He uses an easy-to-read style to illustrate this decline, and writes about such news stories  as the Enron collapse, Madoff’s billion-dollar Ponzi scheme, and pedophile priests. See more on www.ethical-meltdown.com.

My goal is not to be better than anyone else, but to be better than I used to be. – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.

Every so often it’s good to look back and see how far you’ve come. Sometimes, when we are frustrated because we feel we haven’t made enough progress, it’s good to look back and put things in perspective.

I remember thinking about writing a book and the task seemed rather daunting. Then I began the book and just kept on writing. Eventually, after several years, I felt I was done. I sent it to an editor and eagerly awaited her input. When it arrived, I was surprised and somewhat taken aback. She said, six hundred pages is too long. You need to shorten it…a lot. That was about it. So, I sat back and took a good look at the book. It was aimed at women and examined the characteristics of good relationships and bad. Also included were stories of women’s relationships. I had interviewed countless women and selected fourteen to tell their stories. I asked myself, “What would you rather read? Three hundred pages of information about relationships, or actual true stories of relationships?” The answer was easy and I cut out all the “information pages.” The result was my book, The Relationship Trap: Women Who Ignored The Warning Signs That Said…This Guy’s Not For You. I did include a section at the end discussing the characteristics of a healthy relationship…but it was a lot shorter than the original version.

Before I knew it, I was collecting true stories for a second book. Two years later I published When Angels Call Your Name, thirty-six touched-by-an-angel stories.

Now my goal is not to be better than anyone else, but to be better than I used to be.  I have learned how to make a presentation to groups about my books; I have learned about marketing books (there’s so much more to learn); I have helped many people through my books. I’m proud of my accomplishments.

I’m on my way, but I have a lot more to learn. However, it’s about my progress compared to Marilyn Frazer ten, twenty years ago, not compared to others. I still have a long way to go…

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
by Robert Frost

On Thursday, George W. Huguely V, 24, a former University of Virginia lacrosse player, was convicted of second-degree murder on Feb. 22 for the beating death of his ex-girlfriend,  in 2010.

Huguely killed his ex-girlfriend, Yeardley Love in a drunken rage and received a 23-year prison sentence Thursday. In my opinion, he should have been put away for life.
Huguely and Love, both seniors and varsity lacrosse players at U.Va., had a volatile relationship that escalated into Love’s deadly beating late on the night of May 2, 2010, after a day of heavy drinking. Love was found the next morning, her battered face in a blood-soaked pillow.
A number of violent incidents involving Huguely before he killed Love included the beating of a friend who went home with Love after a party, and the unprovoked punching of another person after a night of drinking. He also angrily wrapped his hands around a young woman in a bar after she told her father, his former high school lacrosse coach, to talk to Huguely about his heavy drinking. Love’s death followed several months of tension between the two young athletes.  Each accused the other of infidelity and there were a number of incidents of Huguely’s increasing drinking.

”Sooner or later he was going to seriously injure or kill someone,” prosecutor David Chapman said at Huguely’s trial. Huguely’s attorneys agreed that he drank too much, but that was not the problem. The real issue here is too much violence, physical abuse at it’s worst. Huguely admitted he and Love had a physical confrontation over their on-again, off-again two-year relationship but he denied inflicting the fatal injuries Love suffered. He said she had banged her head against her bedroom wall.

A coroner concluded she died of blunt force trauma. Huguely beat her to death.
There is another crime here. When athletic department officials and coaches ignore drinking and violent behavior it is absolutely criminal. Think of the Sandusky case and all theUniversity of Pennsylvania athletic department officials and football coach Joe Paterno, who ignored the crime, sweeping it under the rug. It is about time athletic department officials, from the athletic director down to the coaches need to take responsibility for the unacceptable – and sometimes criminal – behavior of their players. When they ignore this behavior, the result can be tragic.

This is a case that forever changed the school’s attitudes toward relationship violence and finally made it easier for abuse victims in the state to obtain restraining orders.Nice guys don’t abuse women. There are plenty of nice guys out there.  No one should tolerate violence in a relationship.

Love’s mother, Sharon Love, has filed two lawsuits seeking nearly $60 million. One is aimed at Huguely while the other claims U.Va. and athletic department officials and coaches ignored Huguely’s drinking and violent behavior.

When you arrive at Chautauqua Institution you enter another world. Not a modern world, but rather, a step back in time to the fifties…and sometimes as far back as the turn of the century. This is a world in which you feel safe. You don’t lock your doors at night…or during the day. Kids ride by on bikes without “adult supervision.” There are classes to take, concerts at night, wonderful ice cream to enjoy.

On a typical brick-lined sidewalk in Chautauqua

Ah, yes…ice cream. You walk to Bestor Plaza and head for the ice cream shop and look for the most delectable flavor. After your purchase you head for a bench and there you watch the kids throw Frisbies on the lawn. People stroll by. Some stop to buy the local newspaper, the Chautauqua Daily, from the newsboy on the corner. Others head for the nearby library. Still others emerge from the bookstore, which is next to the store where you bought your ice cream, and sit down on another bench and begin to read. Everywhere there are people walking with a book or newspaper tucked under their arms. Some carry instruments as they hurry to rehearsal.

There are symphony concerts at night, a chamber music event on Monday afternoons (one day the final soloists of the piano competition performed), a myriad of daytime classes to choose from, and an afternoon lecture in the Hall of Philosophy, which is an outdoor Greek style amphitheater. with white columns on four open sides. After dinner, you walk to the main amphitheater to see the evening concert or show. You have to show your pass to get in and of course, you bring your stadium cushions as a buffer between your backside and the hard benches. After the concert, you stroll leisurely down the middle of the street still humming a melody you just heard. Others are strolling nearby as they, too, head for their homes.

Everyone rents a little apartment, room, house, or whatever for a week, two weeks as we did, or perhaps the whole nine-week season. Many people are fortunate enough to own homes here, most of which are charming and picturesque turn-of-the-century houses with front porches and people really do sit out on them. Friday morning, on my way to class, I passed a lady sitting on her porch, cup of coffee (or tea) on the little table beside her, reading the paper. This is a common sight.

This was America. What happened to it? What happened to the days when people were safe, when people could walk the streets at night and not fear for their lives, when we had porches with American flags flying proudly over them and where people actually sat? We were invited to a friend’s house here and sat on the porch with two other couples enjoying wine, cheese, fruit and good company. It was so enjoyable, but it hurt to know it was a thing of the past in most areas of the country.

It’s as if I’m in Camelot, but like the show, it doesn’t last. After our two weeks here we have to head for home. After riding an hour and twenty minutes, we will arrive at the Buffalo Airport and our entry into reality will be complete as we go through “security.” I will raise my hands over my head as I wait for the machine to take my picture, the memory of Chautauqua a sharp contrast to this experience. Then I will gather my belongings, put my shoes back on and head for the gate.

My granddaughter who just graduated high school and will be off to college next month. She wrote a blog on time – what it means to her and how it has flown by. She comments on how her eighteen years have flown by.

Robin, when you get to be my age, time is more than an essay subject, more than something to reflect up, time is finite. At your age, you have all the time in the world. When  you are my age you realize that you have X number of years ahead of you…if you’re lucky, if you’re healthy.

Lately, I have also been reflecting on that word…time… What to do with the time I have left. And so I decided on several projects: finish and publish the book I’m working on and decide about the other two that are waiting for my editing skills; paint more pictures because that is my love…watercolors. Then I have a knitting project which I have almost completed…making a series of afghans, one of which I just finished and brought with em to Chicago when I came for your graduation.

Life flies by so fast, as you have begun to realize. So, think of goals…big ones and little ones. See what you can accomplish with your life. Always be prepared to make a left turn when your goal has to be temporarily…or permanently…laid aside. Then select another one. Above all, enjoy life. You only go around once…in this life time.

Back to the subject – time. I do my share of wasting time. We all do. And sometimes I don’t spend my time wisely. Then I rake myself over the coals and try to get back on track.

You are going off to college. You have four years to pursue your educational dream. They will fly by quickly as did your time in Israel and your 18 years. Keep me posted on your goals, your dreams, your successes…and failures (we learn best when we fail…we don’t want to make that mistake again). Don’t have too many failures. I hope you have lots of successes

Life is two steps forward and one step backward…but, in the end, if you keep moving forward, you will eventually reach your goal…or get close enough to satisfy yourself. Dream on. You have time.

Love,
Grandma Lynn

I’ve been traveling and when I came home I tried to get back into my routine. It’s so easy to say I’m too tired to write today; I’m too tired to work out. I’ll start tomorrow. All we have is today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

During the last few weeks I’ve been to Chicago, Cleveland and Milwaukee attending two high school graduations and a wedding, all delightful affairs. How wonderful it is to celebrate these happy occasions. When you have the opportunity, CELEBRATE!!! You never know what tomorrow may bring.

Then get back to writing, working out, and seeing good friends again. When I came back, I started cleaning out my closet of clothes I love but haven’t worn in at least two years. I began a new afghan and the colors are so vivid and joyous. I’ve started a pile of clothes and things for Good Will. Someone will be very happy with the things I no longer need, and I will be very happy to have more space in my closet. A win-win situation.

I am deep into my watercolor Tree series. I hope to have at least twenty tree paintings by the end of the year. Then I plan to enter a Northern Arizona Watercolor Society show. This is one of my goals for 2012. These tree paintings are often a combination of watercolor and ink in soft pastels, but sometimes bright splashes of color. It’s such joy to lose myself in a painting or another chapter of my book.

I tried to start a new book. Although I am a non-fiction writer, I thought I’d try my hand at writing fiction. After a fruitless day at the computer, I think I’ll stick to what I know best – non-fiction. I’ve had to put off writing for a while and have been helping my husband finish his book, typing the last minute changes. Now, at last, I am ready to finish my third book. And a fourth book is waiting in the wings to be finished, as well. The third book is about a man who was always able to think outside the box and in his twilight years, he has told me stories of his adventures as he moved through life. Some of his stories are hilarious; some are inspiring; one or two are sad, but all are fascinating. I have so enjoyed listening to his stories. I am hoping to post one or two of them on this website in a few months.

Don’t just sit there! Start looking around for summer projects. Just open your closet door and you can find a project. Think about your life and start a memoir. Look for old pictures to insert in the memoir. Your kids and grandchildren will enjoy reading it and looking at the pictures of when you were much younger. Have fun!